This *is* the 21st century... right??

Happy Black Friday!!! It is by far my second favorite holiday in the world! (not a real holiday? Please! Any day that is specifically ALL ABOUT SHOPPING, is a holiday;) Chris and I managed to snag the last Nikon Coolpix L310 from Target around 2 this morning! It was HALF OFF!! We are super excited about having a more "grown up" camera than our last one to capture all of Baby's most precious moments! (Yes, it's still technically a "point and shoot" BUT it looks and feels like a *real camera* so I still feel more grown up. lol)

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Anyway, after taking a nap from all the shopping, I decided to log on to my old friend Meetup.com and check out Mommy groups. I don't have a lot of Mommy friends in the area, and thought it would be fun to get to know some other women and get Baby D socialized (trying to plan ahead here!;)

It was a complete failure. Every group within a 25 mile radius of my zip code was for stay-at-home moms. So, of course, most of their outings/activities are during the day.

Now, not that I don't love SAHMs! My mom was one, Chris's mom was one, I'd love to be one... you know, if money weren't a necessity, lol. But at this point, I'll be returning to work a couple months after Baby's arrival and Chris will be the stay-at-home parent (and I honestly have mixed feelings about him joining a "mommy" group...)

The whole purpose of my title is just that I'm so shocked. Like, this isn't 1950 anymore where everyone's mom is June Cleaver (ah, but what a world that would be;) so what are other working moms doing?? Just not making friends? Letting their babies socialize at day care? Do they already have a strong support network of other mom friends? (I'd find that one hard to believe because, if this is indeed the 21st century, which I'm *pret-ty* sure it is, people are moving more now than in any generation before! Except for maybe during Oregon Trail days when everyone was going out west.) [No. I have no statistical data to back up any of those last statements. Just trust me on this one;)]

And yes, I *could* start my own group, 'cause I imagine we can't be the only working mom/SAHD combination, I'm just not sure I'm ready for another added responsibility... Has anyone else had issues like this? Trying to find where you fit in?

A Thankful Heart

So! Here we are at 23 and a half weeks! I feel like the pregnancy is speeding up!! And while I am super excited to get to finally meet Baby D, I'm just not quite ready yet!!

Anyway, being that it's Thanksgiving Day here in the US, I've decided to write a quick post about things I'm thankful for (specifically with my lot in life right now;) and give you some updates!

First and foremost, I am super thankful for this little boy growing inside me! If you had asked me this time last year (or heck, even if you'd asked me early this past summer) if I thought I'd be a mommy, I probably would've laughed at you and made some smart comment about how, no, never, not for me, etc. LOL Ah, how things can change.

I'm thankful Baby D has been growing and developing properly--that he passed all the genetic testing with flying colors, that his heart beat is always strong, that his kicks and movements are getting stronger. (To the point where now, I can actually SEE him moving. Okay, that kinda freaks me out, but it's comforting to know he's still there!) Also, this week, since his hearing is even stronger now, the past couple days when my alarm goes off in the morning (yes, it's loud. Yes, I snooze it. Yes, I have a hard time getting up lol) as soon as he hears it, he starts moving!! Not a little--like a lot! Like he's saying, "Okay, Mom! Time to get up! Let's do this!!" (or he's just freaked out with the alarm, hard to say;)

I'm thankful my health has been good during the pregnancy! There's been no vomiting or low iron or any scary things. The heartburn has been getting pretty bad--no matter what I eat (or don't eat) or when or how many Tums I take, etc. It's more annoying than anything else. And this week, I've started to get hip pain while I sleep. First it was just my left side, so I could roll to my right and be fine--last night my right side started hurting too. I've also started to become a bit emotional... commercials make me cry. Everything makes me cry. These are all such minor things though, so I'm still thankful for such a great pregnancy!

I'm thankful for my job--both the money and flexibility it provides so I can make it to all my doctor appointments! Also, for my insurance! I don't know how some women do it with no or little insurance; I am so blessed to having paid for nothing so far!

I'm thankful for my friends--especially those who are already first time mommies--who have given me so much support; answering my questions (no matter how silly) and offering encouraging and straight talk advice anytime I want it. I'm pretty sure, I'd be lost without you (yes, Andrea, this means you;)

Finally (and most imporantly?) I'm thankful for Chris, my DH. I know throughout the blog so far, I was referring to him just as "Daddy," but that is too close to "Baby Daddy" which kinda seems impersonal. lol. Without him, clearly I wouldn't be pregnant, hahahaa. But he has been sooo super supportive and helpful with this entire process! I probably would've lost my mind in the beginning when those two lines showed up if it weren't for his level-headedness. Even now when I become overwhelmed or stressed or totally freaked out, it's he who talks me off the ledge and reminds me that everything is going to be okay! I'm also thankful for his family (especially his mom and sister) who are ensuring Baby D will never not have enough clothing;)

And it could go without saying (and this could offend you, but sorry! My blog!;) I am especially thankful to God, who even though I've made a number of mistakes in my life, He continues to forgive and bless me.

In other baby news, I'm up 13 pounds now (feels like a LOT more). It's almost all in my tummy! Still no real cravings (kinda bummed about that. I thought I'd want something craaazy lol).

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!!

Learning to Love

Sometimes I think we are pregnant for nine ten months because for some of us, it takes time to adjust to the idea that we're going to be mothers. Plus there is so much to learn about being a mother! Ten months is not enough time to get a degree or even a certificate in mommy'ing!

People always say there's "mother's instinct" or like some sixth sense that you have that just kicks in when you have a baby.  I feel like this is a topic that's too risky to just leave to what people say... So I'm doing my own research!

This is the stack of books I'm working on! I'm honestly overwhelmed when I start to think of all the things I don't know! Will I *really* be able to tell the difference between an "I'm hungry" cry and an "I need to be changed" cry? How do I balance work, family, baby, and a life? I feel like I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do now, so what happens when I'm on even less sleep and there's a BABY in the picture?? It's a scary thought!

I'm more than halfway done with Hello, My Name is Mommy: The Dysfunctional Girl's Guide to Having, Loving (and Hopefully Not Screwing Up) a Baby by Sheri Lynch. I plan to write a whole review on it when I'm done (the other books as well), but just from what I've read so far, I do feel like I'm more confident. Like I'm ready for Baby D to get here and just do this mommy-thing! Maybe it's bad to say, but other pregnant girls I see (and other moms I know) I can't help but tell my self, "I will be such a better mother than SHE is/will be." And maybe that's a horrible thing to think, but just look at the news--there are terribly, horrible, no good mothers out there--I've gotta be better than they are ;)
 
Even after I read all these books, there's one thing I've realized that is not learned--that's the love for the child. Baby D has only been with me for 22 weeks (and five of those, I didn't even know he existed!) and already I love him sosososososososoooo much! Like words cannot even describe what I would give/do/sacrifice for this little boy. I'd heard other women talk about it before, but it was something I couldn't even comprehend until I experienced it myself. And honestly, it's probably going to get a gazillion times stronger when I actually hold him in my arms and see his teeny-tiny fingers and toes and his little button nose... I still can't quite fathom what that feeling will be like.

Nearly every other person in our lives, we've "learned to love"... or we've "grown to love"... but without knowing ANYTHING about this little person inside of me (other than he moves around A LOT lol) I *know* 100% without a doubt that I absolutely love him. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world! And I cannot wait for that feeling to grow!

I pretty much feel like I've doubled in size...

Speaking of growing, I'm up about eleven pounds now... Still not horrible, but if I were to follow the nurse practitioner's guidance and only gain twenty pounds (thanks to my apparent obesity), I'm pretty much screwed. I think as long as I stay around 30-35, I'll still be okay. Next appointment will be the glucose screening *gag* so maybe that'll determine how much I can actually gain;) lol.

The moment of truth... BOY?? or GIRL???

So! Yesterday was our BIG ANATOMY SCAN!!! **insert ominous music here** I drank two bottles of water and some apple juice before/on the way to the appointment! I took the "arrive with a full bladder" guidance very seriously and was hoping a little sugar would encourage Baby to move around and show us the goods!;)

Let me pause the story here for a moment: on most weekdays, I get up around 5ish and to work around 6:20ish. At this point, Baby is usually moving a little and by 7:30/8:00am, Baby is wiggling like a crazy person--it was especially this way on Thursday so I *expected* Baby would do the same thing on Friday! NOT SO. This little thing barely even woke up in time for the ultrasound. *sigh* Question to other moms: does my schedule actually affect Baby's schedule? On doctor day, I didn't get up 'til 7:30 so maybe he/she was confused?? lol I don't know. Back to the story!!

So we get to the ultrasound room and the technician asks if we want to know the sex of the Baby. My head was screaming "YES YES!! WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK WE'RE HERE?!?!?!" but  I calmly said, "yes, if you can find it." On went the goo and her first words were, "Well, Baby is breeched, but that's okay for now." Baby. is. breeched. My little wiggle worm who is always moving around? The one thing I sweetly requested he/she not be is breeched (okay, yes, we were talking more during labor, but I thought Baby got the jist of it).  She moved around... found the head.. the brain.. the heart... "127" she said. I knew. I knew right then what Baby was. (okay, I don't buy into ALLLL the wives tails, BUT on this one, I swear, I JUST KNEW). We got a perfect shot of Baby's foot.. and later I could see the arm reaching out and the teeny tiny hand!

The whole thing was going on for a while (which, I'm not complaining; while I can't understand a lot of what's on the screen, I could watch Baby alllll daaayyyy lonnnng). Finally, she said the words we'd been waiting to hear:

"It's a boy!"

I hadn't seen any BOY PARTS so I wanted to ask her, "are you sure??" (though, reminder, because the heart rate was below 140, I *knew* it was a boy;) Then there he was in all his glory... a perfect shot of his little tiny testicles... HAHAHAH

A boy. Wow. Throughout this pregnancy, I really thought he was a boy (yay! Mommy is always right!;) but all those "gender predictor" quizzes online told me girl. Even the Chinese predictor said girl! But he is all boy! And I'm actually super excited! I know a lot of people were worried about me--since I'm so girly everyone was saying how great it would be if I had a girl (and yes, any girl of mine would be all dolled up ALL THE TIME lol), but I was so nervous if it were a girl--how do I talk to her about periods? And boobies and bras? And boys?? OMG. Thankfully, since it's a boy, all that talk will be done by Daddy. lol.

Now I can't wait for my house to be full of Tonka trucks and Hot Wheels and Thomas the Tank Engine lol. Daddy said we're going to have Baby dressed in suits all the time--like Barney Stinson from "How I Met Your Mother" hahhahah, we'll see:)

P.S. Baby is already above average! He weighs A POUND!! That's SIXTEEN OUNCES!!! Most babies at 20 weeks are around TEN OUNCES. Well... at least this means he's eating well, right? I'm doing a good job taking care of him so far... unless this is the first sign of childhood obesity! OMG, off to worry some more...

On a serious note... I'm freaking out

Growing up, all I wanted to be was a mother. Dolls were my favorite toys! I loved babies even when I was very young. In high school and college, I had these lavish goals that I would grow up, marry a business man who drove a BMW or something, we'd have three or four children with whom I'd stay home and take care of. I'd be the cool mom--the favorite mom. The neighborhood kids would come over and I'd give them hot dogs and mac and cheese and homemade chocolate chip cookies. On field trip days, all the school kids would want to ride with me in my fantabulous SUV, because, afterall, I was the cool mom.

I was never career minded. I never thought of the "corporate ladder." I never wanted to be "somebody." I figured a job was something you had so you could make money to pay bills and buy shoes. Other than that, what's so great about working??

Somewhere in my mid-20s, my thinking started to all change. I was able to gain promotion after promotion at work within just a few years. People knew who I was. They knew I was a hard worker--that I was "going places." And the more I saw children out and about, I started to think that wasn't for me. The child having a fit in the aisle at Wal-mart. The child who wouldn't stop crying at the restaurant. The child whining to his mother in line at the grocery store. OMG, children are freaking annoying. I don't have time or patience for that crap, I thought. There is NO way I could work a job and deal with the insanity a child brings. But there is also NO way I could not work, because my income is what keeps our family afloat. (sometimes barely). No. No. No.

I had never been more anti-children than I was in June. Ironically, the same month I conceived (funny how God works that way.) And now my opinions are all sloshy and crazy again.

I care more about this child than I do my "career" now. When I'm not feeling well because of Baby (I've been getting crazy bad headaches lately), I don't push myself to go to work anymore; I stay home. Issues at work don't seem as big anymore because, dude, I'm growing a person in my uterus! I don't care so much about what my next big move at work is... only that it continues to make me enough money to care for Baby and preferably gets me to a location where I'd really like to raise my family. This Baby already has suddenly become my whole world. I would give up anything so that he/she can have everything he/she needs.

So, where's the freaking out part? Well, amid all the crazy pregnancy worries and fear about labor and delivery, I've realized that's nothing compared to what happens AFTER Baby is safely outside my vagina. I have no idea how to be a mother. I babysat a bit when I was younger, but no one under the age of 6-8 months. I don't know what to do with a newborn. I don't know how to stop a crying baby. I don't know how to recognize colic or ear infections or any other million sickness related things a baby can have. I don't know how to potty train. What if I don't read to Baby enough? What if Baby is the bad kid in class and I'm always going to parent/teacher meetings? How do I keep Baby away from drugs, under-age drinking, and scary sexual situations?

What if I'm a bad mother.

That's my biggest fear. I know we all have at least something we regret or resent about our own mothers--and the innate fear that we may turn out that way, too. What if, this little person that I already love so much, hates me? What if everything I can give is still not good enough?

I figure time will tell on many of those things. And I know that "what ifs" are the worst things to dwell on. So for now, I just have to research all I can about caring for newborns and raising babies....

And maybe it's terrible that I do this, but I know there are way worse women out there that are having babies--so I clearly won't be the world's WORST mother... it's just... what can I do to make sure I'm one of the best?

Violet, You're Turning Violet!

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Do you remember the Willy Wonka movie from back in the day? And Violet takes the everlasting gobstopper and as she's talking about all the foods it tastes like, she gets to the end and starts blowing up and turning blue/purple and they're all like, "Violet, you're turning violet!!" That is kinda how I felt today.

I wore this really cute dress from Target that is very purple (and people at work pointed out to me it's very purple). This is really one of the most comfortable articles of maternity clothing I own! It's loose fitting so I don't feel constricted or anything at all.

What I do feel is fat. Large. Gigantic. Ginormous. Huge.

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Now, I'm currently at 19weeks 4days and am only up like 9 (or 10, depending on the time of day;) pounds. Which really isn't sooo horrible. But I swear I feel like I've gained A LOT more. And as the day went on I felt like I kept getting bigger! Like people should be telling me *I* was turning Violet then roll me down to the juicer just like they did for Violet in the movie.... *sigh*

In other pregnancy news, Baby seems to be doing well. I feel movement pretty much every day! Yay! I haven't totally been tracking it, but I do think it comes and goes around the same times each day. It's kinda funny when I wake up [wayyy too early] in the morning for work, I can almost always feel a little punch or kick in my left side. Oh, Baby, are you an early bird??

Still no crazy cravings or super weird things going on. I've been getting heartburn a lot more often and have become BFFs with the Walgreen's brand of Tums;) And I do get this odd feeling that I actually feel like my stomach is growing!! Daddy thinks it's crazy, but at the end of the day (after dinner or a big meal) I swear I can feel all the skin on my stomach just stretching...

Speaking of stretching, that's how I know I'm not crazy. Not even 20 weeks and the stretch marks have already started... *sigh* I knew I could handle the white ones. I haven't been a skinny-mini in years so I've had a few white stretch marks here and there already... but I got these three red ones right on my left side that look like a demon scratched me. So this is where the fun begins?

One more week and we'll find out what Baby is! I can't wait to start talking to Baby by name instead of... well.. just "Baby":) We're definitely set on a boy name... the girl name is still a little up in the air, but if Baby turns out to be a girl, I think we'll decide pretty quickly... you, dear readers, may not know the name until March when Baby gets here! We'll see how long I can keep the secret;)

I'm getting out there!

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So I know this is still a super new blog and I don't expect nearly the fame and fortune (lol) I got from glitter gloss & glaze, but still I want to make it accessible for you as well!

I'm working on updating the design of this blog too and making some links to all the places you can find me for my toolbar. But here's what's out there so far!:)

Decisions, decisions...

Before I got pregnant, I never really thought about a lot of the decisions I'd need to make if I had a baby. For one, I wasn't trying to have a baby nor was I even really sure I wanted one (don't worry! I am super attached to this little one and am very excited about it;)

But when I did get pregnant there were still a number of things that to me were like "no-brainers" there was no thinking or deciding, I just *knew*. Breastfeed? Yes. Circumsize? Yes. Hospital or Homebirth? Hospital. Disposable or cloth? Disposable; Pampers. Duh.

So when Daddy's mom asked if we were going to use cloth diapers, I was almost disgusted. No. freaking. way. All I could picture was cloth napkins and gigantic safety pins and baby poo everywhere. Definitely not.

'til I saw a picture of some on Facebook. They didn't look at all like I imagined! They were actually super cute! And they snapped and used velcro and were a bunch cheaper than disposable! Hmm..

I started researching, which is kinda hard to do on a topic that people seem to be so passionate about. Cloth diapering mamas are ALL ABOUT cloth diapering (which is affectionately known as CD). Ones that are against CD are VERY AGAINST it. So it's difficult to find any non-biased information.

I've watched some YouTube videos and I understand now all the different kinds that are out there (don't ask me to name them all off though, I haven't studied *that* much;) And I'm *considering* it. Right now Pampers are still on my registry and I feel more comfortable with disposables because that is what I know. That is what's familiar. But it doesn't mean that's what I'll stick with.

Am I going to go all hippy-dippy, save the planet, and only put Baby in bamboo diapers? Nah, not a chance. But I'd be willing to try them and see how it goes... Daddy and I have to agree though... so it's definitely still up for discussion ;)

How about you? Disposable or cloth? Have you tried both? What made you make your decision?

Yo-Yo Emotions and Wiggle Worms

Being pregnant is just really weird... like there are so many changes taking place! Not just in my body (rumor has it there's A LOT going on in there;) but also on the outside of my body (seriously, where was the warning: "May DRASTICALLY enhance areola size"?!?! I'm all for bigger boobs [though, okay, I hope they actually STOP growing at some point], and I get that bigger areolas make for better latch for baby, but I'm a little over it...lol) And, pregnancy is totally messing with my feelings! There are days where I'm absolutely freaked out. Then there are days when I'm so super excited! Days when I want Baby to just stay in there forever. And days where I'm ready for it to all be over so I can actually hold Baby!

It's overwhelming and draining.

Then the worry kicks in; will I be a good mom? Will Baby know who I am when I go back to work? What if Baby likes Daddy more than me? Will I be able to discipline? Can I avoid the mistakes my parents made with me?

As if there aren't already enough things to worry about while being pregnant...

On a brighter note! I'm almost finished with week 17! AND some super exciting news! I'm pretty sure I felt Baby move this week!! It started while I was laying in bed on Tuesday night and I thought I felt a muscle twinge in my lower left abdomen. It wasn't a muscle (let's not kid ourselves; even before pregnancy there were very few muscles anywhere near my stomach;). The next day at work, the inside of my tummy had a tickle. The next day in a meeting, my stomach felt like when you're on a roller coaster or fly over a really big hill and it flips! I know these are all just very tiny feelings, but I'm like 92% sure it's Baby! I don't feel them all the time, but it's special every time I do!

And!! Less than three weeks and we find out what Baby is!! Suuuuper excited about that! I thought I wanted to wait 'til delivery, but Daddy really wants to "be able to plan" things. And honestly, twenty weeks seems like a long enough time to wait to be surprised;) Plus, I want to be able to start calling Baby by name! But more on that later;)

New Beginnings...

Beginnings are always hard--especially when they're new beginnings--new school, new job, new places... This beginning is no different.

They're hard because you don't know what to expect. You don't know if or how you'll succeed. You don't know who you'll meet along the way. It's a time of excitement and terror; joy and fear; emotions of opposite extremes running side by side in your life.

From experience, I've mastered new schools, new jobs, new places... so history should repeat itself and allow me to be successful at this new beginning as well. However, this one is a bit more complicated...

So before we delve into that whole situation, let's get some basics out of the way, like, who am I? Some of you may know me as Kristen from glitter, gloss, and glaze--the beauty and lifestyle blog I've been keeping for just about a year now. Some of you may know me as Kristen in real life. Some of you may not know me at all, but you're starting out on a new beginning of your own and just want to follow someone so you don't feel so alone. How ever and whomever you know me as really isn't important at this point.

You see, in about five months, everything we know about me is going to change because-----I'm going to be a mommy. Omg, it seems crazy to even write something like that! But yes, I am currently 17 weeks along (I supposedly have 160 days left to go... if that puts it in perspective for you;) Baby seems to be doing well! (as far as I can tell, lol. I'm still not feeling anything and it's not like i can see Baby on a regular basis, but as of the last appointment on Friday, Baby's heart is strong and everything is looking good:)

You'll learn more about me as we go along. I'll share tidbits here and there as we get to know each other more. Right now, I just had to get the first post of this blog done. I don't know if mommy blogging is just like beauty blogging or not... But this is my journey to find out.

This is one beauty blogger's journey to motherhood.... care to join me?:)