Sunday, November 11, 2012

Learning to Love

Sometimes I think we are pregnant for nine ten months because for some of us, it takes time to adjust to the idea that we're going to be mothers. Plus there is so much to learn about being a mother! Ten months is not enough time to get a degree or even a certificate in mommy'ing!

People always say there's "mother's instinct" or like some sixth sense that you have that just kicks in when you have a baby.  I feel like this is a topic that's too risky to just leave to what people say... So I'm doing my own research!
This is the stack of books I'm working on! I'm honestly overwhelmed when I start to think of all the things I don't know! Will I *really* be able to tell the difference between an "I'm hungry" cry and an "I need to be changed" cry? How do I balance work, family, baby, and a life? I feel like I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do now, so what happens when I'm on even less sleep and there's a BABY in the picture?? It's a scary thought!

I'm more than halfway done with Hello, My Name is Mommy: The Dysfunctional Girl's Guide to Having, Loving (and Hopefully Not Screwing Up) a Baby by Sheri Lynch. I plan to write a whole review on it when I'm done (the other books as well), but just from what I've read so far, I do feel like I'm more confident. Like I'm ready for Baby D to get here and just do this mommy-thing! Maybe it's bad to say, but other pregnant girls I see (and other moms I know) I can't help but tell my self, "I will be such a better mother than SHE is/will be." And maybe that's a horrible thing to think, but just look at the news--there are terribly, horrible, no good mothers out there--I've gotta be better than they are ;)
Even after I read all these books, there's one thing I've realized that is not learned--that's the love for the child. Baby D has only been with me for 22 weeks (and five of those, I didn't even know he existed!) and already I love him sosososososososoooo much! Like words cannot even describe what I would give/do/sacrifice for this little boy. I'd heard other women talk about it before, but it was something I couldn't even comprehend until I experienced it myself. And honestly, it's probably going to get a gazillion times stronger when I actually hold him in my arms and see his teeny-tiny fingers and toes and his little button nose... I still can't quite fathom what that feeling will be like.

Nearly every other person in our lives, we've "learned to love"... or we've "grown to love"... but without knowing ANYTHING about this little person inside of me (other than he moves around A LOT lol) I *know* 100% without a doubt that I absolutely love him. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world! And I cannot wait for that feeling to grow!
I pretty much feel like I've doubled in size...
Speaking of growing, I'm up about eleven pounds now... Still not horrible, but if I were to follow the nurse practitioner's guidance and only gain twenty pounds (thanks to my apparent obesity), I'm pretty much screwed. I think as long as I stay around 30-35, I'll still be okay. Next appointment will be the glucose screening *gag* so maybe that'll determine how much I can actually gain;) lol.


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